Remember the Million Dollar Homepage? The student who came up with the idea (Alex Tew) has another little project up his sleeve, which he has called Pixelotto (should that be Pixellotto with two Ls?). Essentially it’s the same concept; you buy pixels smaller that this here dot: “.” (with real money, not pretend) and you get to have your purchased pixels whatever colour you like, and in any order you like, on his website.
Only difference is, this time the pixels are twice the price - yep, a 200% price-hike. In addition to that, visitors to the site can win $1m just for clicking on certain pixels. It’s a win-win situation [for him]. I’m sure the media will happily jump onto this one too.
Well done Alex. Do I sound jealous? 
Check out Pixelotto (which launches on 5th December I believe)
December 1st, 2006
Not a very interesting thing to write about I can hear you thinking (I can hear thoughts) … I’m sure you never won a jackpot that day either. In a way I suppose the title of this post should have been “The day I was robbed - at least the Hamburgler had the decency to wear a fucking mask”.
I was in Blackhawk, a small Indian town a few miles away from Denver (in Colorado). You’re not legally allowed to gamble in Colorado (unlike Nevada and the likes) and so you can only gamble in the Indian reservations. This makes for a great revenue for these people, and also means that these places are packed very densely with as many casinos as they can reasonably fit in a small space.
Anyway, to cut to the chase, there are loads of 1c and 5c machines dotted around these places, all showing massive jackpots of tens of thousands of dollars, all however omitting to mention that you have to bet, say, 25 lines and 10 times your bet to be any chance of actually winning that type of money. I was sick of them: you would bet 20 times your bet and 20 lines ($4 per spin) and get one win on one line and grab yourself a massive payout of $1. I wanted the big money, I was going to go on a $1 a bet machine. Here you could bet up to 5 lines per go and up to 5 times your bet ($25 per spin). That’s nearly £15 per spin, and a lot of money for me.
I popped a $20 bill (note) into the machine and did a ‘crazy’ bet of $1 per line, 5 lines: $5 a spin. Nothing. Another one: nothing. Same again: nothing. Last spin, same bet: JACKPOT!! Three jackpot symbols in a row, right down the middle. Fucking yes, yes, yes, YESSSSS!!!! I was rich. I could probably retire now, I must have won the $270,000 advertised at the top of the machine in big red LED writing. I waited for bells. What had I won? I had won $20. How 3 JACKPOTS in a row with a bet of $5 per spin can possibly mean a win of $20 is anyone’s guess….
Moral of the story: don’t trust indians.
Three jackpot symbols in a row: just over a tenner
October 30th, 2006
Download the theme tune to ‘Borat’ here, then bluetooth it to your mobile:
Borat Theme Ringtone
(right-click or Ctrl+click and save to your computer)
It’ll bring a smile to your face everytime someone calls. Of course, you must answer the phone with the greeting “YAGSHAMASH!”
September 20th, 2006
All that bingo jargon, what’s it all about? Here’s the definative list. Always handy to know what your nan is on about when in Scarborough…
- Kelly’s eye
- Little boy blue
- Dearie me
- Knock at the door
- Man alive
- Tom Mix
- God’s in heaven
- Garden gate
- Doctor’s orders
- Cock and hen
- Legs eleven
- Monkey’s cousin
- Unlucky for some
- Valentines day
- Rugby team
- Sweet sixteen
- Dancing queens
- Now you can vote
- Goodbye teens
- One score
- Key of the door
- Two little ducks
- A duck and a Flea
- Did you score?
- Duck and dive
- Bed and breakfast
- Gateway to heaven
- In a state
- You’re doing fine
- Burlington Bertie
- Get up and run
- Buckle my Shoe
- Dirty knees, All the threes
- Ask for more
- Jump and jive
- Three dozen
- A flea in heaven
- Christmas cake
- Those famous steps
- Two score
- Life’s begun
- Whinny the Poo
- Down on your knees
- All the fours
- Halfway there
- Up to tricks
- Four and seven
- Four dozen
- Rise and shine
- Bulls eye
- Tweak of the thumb
- Weeks in a year
- Stuck in the tree
- Clean the floor
- Snakes alive, All the fives
- Was she worth it?
- Heinz varieties
- Make them wait
- Brighton line
- Three score, Blind 60
- Bakers bun
- Tickety boo
- Tickle me
- The Beatles number
- Old age pension
- Clickety click
- Made in heaven
- Saving grace
- Your place or mine
- Three score and ten
- Bang on the drum
- A crutch and a duck
- Under the tree
- Candy store
- Strive and strive
- Trombones
- All the sevens
- Heavens gate
- One more time
- There you go matey
- Stop and run
- Straight on through
- Time for tea
- Seven dozen
- Staying alive
- Between the sticks
- Torquay in Devon
- Two fat ladies
- All but one
- End of the line
Test yourself at Jackpotjoy bingo 
August 21st, 2006
Snakes alive and two fat ladies… there’s none of that here, just big jackpots ready to be had. So get your dauber out and join Britain’s best: Jackpotjoy Bingo
August 21st, 2006
I realise it’s not cockmas just yet, but I’m so excited about it being less than 6 months away that I thought you might like to hear this ‘cockmas song’, by Gwilly Edmondez.
Click to download: Merry Cockmas
(right-click on a PC or ctrl-click on a Mac to download)
I’ve got a cut down version on my phone as a ringtone.
August 7th, 2006
Ok, so this is not only totally unrelated to internet casinos but it’s also not very tasteful either. But that hasn’t stopped the Mayor of London having it on his Congestion Charge website…
Now is it me, or does anyone else think that the “login” icon looks a little phallic? Well, to be a bit more blunt, like a squirting dick.
July 5th, 2006
They are the sort of numbers the National Lottery could only cross its fingers and dream about. Getting on for £20bn wagered annually, producing £500m a year in bottomline profits for bookmakers, the inexorable rise of the touch-screen roulette machine is transforming the economics of the nation’s betting shops.
A staggering figure, £500m profit from these machines alone is all the more extraordinary for the fact that, less than three years ago, they barely existed.
Middle England may be fretting over the introduction of Las Vegas-style casinos or the tens of thousands, many of them women, playing and losing on casino games and poker on the internet, but it is betting shop roulette that is raking in megaprofits, a boon threatening to deliver better earnings than horse and dog racing.
The slick banter of the bookies would have you believe that good weeks at the Cheltenham Festival in March, and June’s Royal Ascot meeting, in the eternal battle with punters and a fleecing of the football fanatics who lost all on 100-1 outsider Greece winning at Euro 2004, is stoking their recent massive rise in profits.
Don’t believe a word of it. Deep within the profit and loss accounts of these companies is the true picture.
At one of Britain’s biggest bookies, operating profits have soared 51%, the majority of growth coming from roulette machines or, in industry argot FOBTs - fixed-odds betting terminals.Their love affair with such machines has seen it triple their number in a little over 15 months to nearly 6,000.
There is little wonder why. Each machine makes massive profits every day from punters sitting in its betting shops looking for something to do before, between and after the horse and dog races. It is the single most important reason why, for the first time in a generation, the number of betting shops is on the rise just five years after many argued that the march of internet-based gambling spelled the end of the licensed betting office.
There are currently 17,000 roulette machines in the country’s 8,800 betting shops - an average of almost two machines per shop. After Government fears about such proliferation, the industry last year voluntarily agreed to restrict the number of gaming machines in each shop, including old-fashioned slot machines, to no more than four.
The industry has quickly latched on to what a good deal it has brokered.
Not only have the bookies been ramping up the number of roulette machines, they have been taking out slot machines to make way for them. In an 18-month period ending this Christmas, one of the UK’s leading bookmakers will have added more than 3,200 new roulette machines - to average 3.3 machines per shop - and sent 2000 slot machines to the knacker’s yard.
These rates of growth are likely to continue across the industry as the smaller players start catching up. With economies of scale increasing profits, the net take per week for the bookmaking industry could easily soon rise to £10m, or some £500m a year.
May 9th, 2006
1/ You’re buying fun, not investing your money
2/ Set strict limits on how much time and money you’re going to spend
3/ Quit while you’re ahead
4/ Only gamble with money you can afford to lose
5/ Don’t spend more money with the hope to win back money that you have lost
6/ Keep up other interests and hobbies – don’t let gambling take over your life
7/ Don’t gamble in order to escape from stress or boredom
May 9th, 2006
The second non-related post, but again very funny!
It’s the Psychiatric Office Answering Machine
Enjoy
May 5th, 2006
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